Kay and Joan—they were both total B’s: best friends, bridesmaids, book club members, and … oops, seems that only one of them was actually a boss. In fact, turns out that Kay was now Joan’s boss. Yikes!

Okay, hold on for a moment, before you immediately go to the “well, that’s the end of that friendship” thought. I agree, there are plenty of stories about friendships gone wrong because one friend got promoted over the other. But here is a twist—here is a story about a friendship done right, even when one of the two women signs the other’s paycheck.

A Bit of Friendship Background

Kay and Joan were pretty similar, which is why they were such good friends, as well as good co-workers. They were both smart, they were both hard working, the both liked to have fun, and both defined fun as typically involving tequila. One was short and one was tall, but both were equally loud so you never could remember which was the taller one.

Both Kay and Joan worked for the same large company for several years, and it might have actually been Joan who first helped Kay get her pump in the door. Interestingly enough, they both also happened to work in the company’s marketing department where they both offered some really good ideas about product promotion and such (perhaps there is a correlation to the tequila consumption, perhaps just a weird coincidence).

Balancing the Scales of Friendship

Some people say that you can’t be friends with your boss because there is an unequal balance of power. I say bologna. Although a boss might have greater responsibility, each person in an organization handles a critical function to that organization, otherwise that position would quickly be wiped from the org. chart. And while it is true that one position might demand greater expertise or authority than another, the fact still remains that each job is essential. Power comes in how you handle yourself in whatever role you are assigned.

A boss (or anyone a rung or two higher on the proverbial ladder) can hand out criticism or advice. And an employee (or anyone who may currently be a few rungs lower) can look for inspiration or antagonism from a boss. Again, it is all in how you handle yourself. Kay and Joan were each individually very powerful women, and they each individually knew and understood their roles and their necessity within the company. Said another way, both Kay and Joan were secure and confident with themselves, and clearly displayed this confidence when dealing with each other, as well as with their co-workers.

Friends and Professionals

Most jobs come with pretty clear objectives (and if yours doesn’t, then I strongly suggest that you and your boss set about establishing some for your particular position). And those objectives should come with guidelines to determine if those objectives are being met, and to what degree. So, my point is that things should be pretty well defined before either of you open your laptops and take that first sip of java each morning. Let’s be honest, you know if you are doing your job, and so does your boss. If you don’t think it is going well, then you can ask for advice. If she doesn’t think it is going well, then she can offer suggestions.

Also, job performance is a two-way street. Not only do you have objectives for your position, but your boss also has objectives for the management of her staff (you). If you don’t feel that she is handling her job well, you can talk to her about where you could use some help.

This is exactly what Kay and Joan did. They talked to each other about their jobs. They knew what each person was responsible for, and set about making sure that goals were achieved. If one needed help, they asked for it. If one had a problem, they spoke to the other about the issue before it became a big deal. That’s what professionals and friends do for one another.

The Boss' Best Friend

One of the really creepy things about having “buddies” on a team is that everyone expects that the bosses’ buddy will have special access to important information, or to key assignments. And when you are talking about your livelihood, this isn’t cool. This is exactly what everyone thought would happen when Kay got promoted. But they were wrong, in this instance anyhow.

Even though Kay and Joan were really good friends, Joan did not get preferential treatment. They didn’t hold gab-fests in each other’s offices, they didn’t exchange knowing glances during staff meetings, and when corporate news hit the water-cooler, Joan (and sometimes Kay) was as surprised as everyone else. And because of this, everyone else on the team was perfectly fine with the fact that Kay and Joan were best friends.

Draw a Line Between Professional and Personal Friendships

In today’s busy work world, sometimes it is hard to separate work from personal life, mostly because you spend so much of your time at work—and honestly, because your work is a source of enjoyment and pride to you. But the most successful professional/personal relationships are maintained because the players know when to turn off the corporate switch. They stop talking about work, and instead, they put on their hiking boots, or throw on the sunscreen, or they cough up money for a concert. They do things other than talk about work.

I think this is a real key in maintaining successful work/social relationship, knowing where to draw the line. But that can be hard because work is personal, and when you have a problem at work, often you talk about it with your friends.

How do you do this when your friend, the person you want to confide in, the person who you want to go to for advice, is also your boss, and the other person’s (the person you want to complain about) boss?

When Joan and Kay did it, (and yes, they talked about work with each other), they made a rule to keep things very factual and very non-emotional. They were not casual about these conversations, and both absolutely understood that coming to each other with random gripes and complaints was not smart, professionally or personally. So they each attempted to correct any issues with other teammates first, and rarely brought “home” any problems.

Being a Boss and a Buddy

A boss and a friend essentially have the same goal: To see your best traits and to encourage you to bring them out in full force. So, can you be friends with your boss? You had certainly hope so!

If having a friend for a boss just isn’t working for you, then you get to decide what is more important, the friendship or this particular position. People change both jobs and friends a lot through the course of their lives, so doing so here won’t honestly make too much of a difference in the long run, or could be the best thing you ever did.  

Ultimately the thing to remember about friendships and careers is that when both are approached with respect, they flourish. Yes, you absolutely can have both a best friend and a boss who are one and the same, and enjoy the experience immensely.

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