Networking for Dates, Jobs and Now, for Friends

Less than a decade ago, most people preferred to say they’d met a significant other at a bar rather than admit to having found someone special online. Today, the convenience of picking and choosing potential dates from the comfort of home has become so accepted that one in five new committed relationships (including marriage) are between people who met through a dating website. Job hunting using just the newspaper want ads is all but unthinkable. More and more of us make career connections and reconnect with old friends on websites like LinkedIn and Facebook. Still, there is sometimes hesitation about taking the next logical step and connecting with like-minded, similarly interested, potential friends through a friendship networking site. The question is, why?

Isn’t it sort of awkward to try and make friends online?

While most would agree the best way to meet a new friend is through work, school, or a friend or family member, life doesn’t always afford us the easy opportunity to meet new people with similar interests. We work longer hours, move more, and we’re generally busier, leaving less time and opportunity to meet and cultivate relationships. It’s one thing to make eye contact with a romantic prospect over cantaloupe in the produce aisle, but quite another to drum up a gal pal that way. Friendship networking is simply a new and effective way to do an old and important thing—find people you want to spend time with and, hopefully, build lasting friendships.

Isn’t there something of a stigma?

The stigma associated with online dating vanished quickly and forever once people realized just how easy, convenient, safe, and preferable it was to pick potential romantic prospects from the comfort of home. No need to get dressed up. No bar scene. No picking up an attractive Mr. or Ms. Wrong on the basis of looks, and no getting rejected because of your lack of a runway ready figure. While friendship networking doesn’t involve any of the stressors associated with romantic prospecting, insecurity about being perceived as somehow “friendless” can be stressful. Truth is, social circles are often lessened as a result of moving, changing jobs, retiring, marriage, divorce, and even losing a spouse. As a result, women in various stages of life, and from a host of backgrounds, are realizing how natural it is to look for friendships in very much the same way they may have, or are currently, looking for a significant other.

Shy about putting yourself out there?

Touring a site like SocialJane.com, doing a sample search, and narrowing down the field to a few likely prospects is a whole lot less "out there" than showing up at a gardening class hoping to make friendships bloom along with the flowers. You can be more direct about your interests. You can learn more meaningful information about the people you will be meeting from the beginning. You avoid certain pitfalls, like getting together with someone for tennis or a cup of coffee only to learn of their political or religious leanings are the opposite of everything you hold dear. Instead of joining that gardening class alone, how about finding someone who wants to sign with you? Maybe you’ll make additional new friends together.

Is there some protocol or etiquette with friendship networking the way there is with online dating or job hunting?

The great thing is you’re not trying to impress a potential romantic interest or future boss, so the rules are greatly relaxed. However, a few general guidelines apply:

1. Be truthful in describing yourself. State your real age, real likes, and let your personality shine, emphasizing your best characteristics and your interests. Admitting that you are desperately lonely and have no current friends won’t have people clamoring to meet you, but emphasizing that you love hiking and are looking for someone to go on day hikes will attract like-minded outdoorsy types. If you really feel passionate about something say so; don't try and hide things that are important to you. If you enjoy throwing dinner parties say so. If your religion is important to you, say so. Be yourself, and be upfront with who you are.
2. Add a photograph. Photos in personal profiles are likely to get up to nine times more replies than without, but don’t post that sexy, glamour shot you used on a dating website. Overly posed corporate headshots won’t do the trick either. A photo that reflects your relaxed, happy self is always best.
3. A sense of humor is one thing, but seeming sarcastic, cutting, or terribly self-deprecating in a profile may be perceived as a red flag. The more you project a friendly and positive attitude, the more likely people are going to be interested in getting to know you. Who would want to take a chance on someone who may end up being profoundly depressed, or worse, mean?
4. Always try and reply to people's messages and reply in a reasonable amount of time, not weeks later. Conversely, don't email someone weeks later and not expect that they haven't written you off!
5. When you do make a plan to meet up with someone, be on time. If you’re late, your first impression will say you don’t care that much or that the person you’re meeting isn’t all that important.

And what if no one responds to my friend-request?

Try not to take it personally. 
Your profile isn't about getting responses. It’s about getting responses from the type of person you want to meet. Once again, be sure to use descriptions about yourself and your interests to help narrow your focus to what you want so that you get responses from who you're looking for. And, be patient.

Worse, what if meeting up with "a new friend" doesn’t go too well?

Unlike dating, where we all know what “it isn’t you, it’s me” means, what’s the real harm if you don’t hit it off enough to meet again at the local bakery or go antiquing together? Either don’t make future plans or temper your expectations about what you’re looking for from that particular person. Maybe she’s way too chatty to take to the movies, but a perfect yard sale expedition buddy.

Above all, keep in mind that true friendships, whether culled online or otherwise, take time. The more people you meet and spend time with, the more opportunity you’ll have to meet someone you may someday consider your closest friend, or friends. So why friendship networking?

The real question is, why not?  

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