The Key to Meeting Men? A Friend!

The Key to Meeting Men? A Friend!

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By Dr. Christie Hartman

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Let’s face it: dating is tough, and will challenge even the most confident woman. Who hasn’t felt ill at ease on a date with a man you hardly know, or felt too intimidated to strike up a conversation with that hottie at your gym? And you’ve probably tried different ways to meet men, from the perils of dating at the office to the adventures of dating online. These methods can work, but as you know, they have obvious downsides.

To make things even more challenging, these days most of us women aren’t exposed to that many men in our everyday lives. As I discuss in It's Not Him, It's YOU, we work at the same office all week long, live in the same neighborhood for years, and go to yoga classes filled with women. And unless you happen to have a parade of cute, single men marching through your office, apartment building, or yoga class on a regular basis, your odds of meeting Mr. Right aren’t all that great!  

So you’ve probably wondered: Where do I go to meet men? And is there a way to meet men that’s less pressured, more natural, and more fun? Well, in fact there is! And the key ingredient to make it happen is to bring along another woman!  

A Great Way to Meet Men


If you’re single, one of the best ways to meet new men is to break out of your routine and go have fun with another woman. Have you ever wanted to take a mountain biking class, attend a masquerade ball at the art museum, or go to a baseball game, but didn’t feel comfortable going alone? Each of these activities will have single men there, so it’s time to find another woman and go do it!

Here’s why this method of meeting men works so well:

You get exposure. Getting out and doing fun things on a regular basis drastically increases your chances of meeting interesting men. Why? Because single men go out for the same reasons you do: to enjoy themselves and to meet women. You’ll meet new men at every event you go to, and the more men you meet, the more likely you are to get dates!  

You’re not alone. When you have a female friend to accompany you, you are much more likely to get out of the house and try something new, especially if you know men will be there. Your female buddy acts as a source of motivation and support, and with her, you’ll feel less nervous or conspicuous at a social event than you would by yourself. Overall, by having a friend with you, you’ll feel more comfortable, and when you’re relaxed and having fun, you’re more attractive to men!

No pressure
. Singles, whether male or female, tend to have better dating success when they meet in a low-pressure environment where they can be themselves and get to know someone before going out on a date with them. What’s more pressure-free than a hobby or social event where you can focus on having fun or learning, rather than whether you have food on your face or if he’ll call you tomorrow? And if you do meet someone, staying socially active takes the pressure off that too—hey, if he doesn’t call, there are tons more out there!

Better screening
. Meeting men at social events allows you to get to know them a little before dating becomes an issue. You’ll get a good sense of who he is and whether there’s any chemistry—and you don’t have to worry about him not looking like his online photo!

So it’s time to grab a girl pal, find some events in your area, and get out there! You can go anywhere, as long as it’s something you both might enjoy and somewhere men might be.


The Four Best Places to Meet Men


Here are four tried-and-true social venues to meet men:

1. Outdoor clubs and activities. If you’re active, you will most certainly meet men if you get outside. Outdoor sports are male-dominated, so men are always psyched when women show up to these activities! Find your local hiking, cycling, running, backpacking, ultimate Frisbee, or ski club; find out when their next meeting is; and bring an active friend along.

2. Local networking groups. Most cities have organized happy hours for professionals looking to promote their business and to meet new people, especially the latter. There are even events for specific types of professional groups, such as Ivy League alumni or entrepreneurs. Most attendees are single and it’s a good place to meet other professional men. Find a career-oriented woman and bring her with you.  

3. Cultural events. Art galleries, museums, zoos, and other cultural organizations hold social events to generate business. These venues are nice because they provide a conversation starter (e.g. “Do you think this piece is worth $5,000?”). I once went to a sushi-and-art party hosted by my local art museum, and met a lot of interesting men. Art walks in your town’s art district are also fun.

4. Speed-dating. Knowing your buddy is there with you will make it less nerve-wracking, and you can compare notes when it’s over!

One rule of thumb: Whatever social activity you choose, try to bring only one friend with you. Three’s a crowd and nothing terrifies men more than approaching a group of women. If you do happen to have two or more women with you, you’ll need to step up and make the first move.

Don’t know any women single women or those who are particularly athletic or adventurous? Well, all the more reason to join a website such as SocialJane.com. Meeting men is certainly important, but having a good set of girlfriends is one of life's necessities! 

Yes, dating can be difficult; but meeting men doesn’t have to be. Find a female buddy, pick some fun activities, and go have a good time. Trust me, if you make yourself available, and are actually out having a good time, the men will find you!

Enjoyed this article? You would probably also enjoy these articles:

A Friend: A Sociologist's Perspective
What Would I Do Without You?

About the Author

Dr. Christie Hartman is a psychologist, author, and dating coach who conducted extensive research on dating and relationships, and shares her learning in two volumes, the recently released It's Not Him, It's YOU: The Truth You May Not Want – But Need – To Hear and Dating the Divorced Man: Sort through the Baggage to Decide if He’s Right for You.

As a dating coach, Christie has helped women across the U.S. improve their dating skills and create online dating profiles that attract men. She has also coached women from around the world who are dating separated and divorced men, providing support and advice for the difficulties these women face.

For more information on Christie and to purchase her books, please visit her website, www.christiehartman.com.


Member Comments

just_jane - Feb 11, 2013 at 03:02am

Great article (:  Thanks for posting.


Lyn41680 - Dec 22, 2012 at 12:12am

Great! This is why I need FRIENDS!! Lol! Well not the only reason.


DynamicDiva29 - Oct 01, 2012 at 12:10am

Awesome Article!


whatonearth - Jul 01, 2012 at 12:07am

Speed dating doesn't seem like a good way to meet people to me. ^^; Other than that this seems like sound advice.


Fireball - Apr 11, 2012 at 09:04pm

Hi Christie wow sound advice for me. I'm single and it has been tough finding that right guy.  Using your girl friend as your wing girl I thinks makes guys more comfortable and less shy to strike up a conversation with me. It appears to be a group thing and you can get to know the guys better.



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